Alysh’s Fluffy Coffee
photo by Cara Cormack
“Right before the pandemic started, I was in a really not happy place, my job in fashion was just exhausting. I was working 55 to 60 hours a week.” Alysh was working as a technical designer for a Los Angeles-based denim brand when the pandemic hit.
“I would just drink Starbucks cold brew all day, and that used to really do it for me.”
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in 2020, everyone around the world was suddenly put into a similar situation, a similar state of mind. Particularly in regards to what normal life is, and whatever a new normal was during that time. The pandemic is still happening, but that hasn’t stopped people from looking back at those early days and reflecting on how much has changed. How different we all feel after something so greatly impacted the entire planet’s daily routine. How different we all feel about our relationship to ourselves, our work, our free time, and what it is that makes life rich and full to each of us.
“I was furloughed for eight weeks. I remember that kind of fluffy coffee went viral. I basically stopped going to Starbucks, because that was the point where it was like ‘everyone stay inside.’ I didn't need coffee that bad. But I was home by myself and I kind of wanted to have some sense of normalcy. So I made that coffee after my first grocery trip. It was kind of like ‘there's no toilet paper but here's this to feel something.’”
The “fluffy coffee” Alysh speaks of refers to Dalgona coffee that went viral on the internet in March of 2020. This Korean-style coffee is made by combining equal parts instant coffee, sugar, and hot water, whipping it to a light brown, soft-peak consistency, and then combining with milk to create a sweet, frothy drink. The complete opposite of a black cold brew from Starbucks.
Alysh would make this coffee with oat milk most mornings while she was furloughed. “It just kind of became my routine and has completely ruined cold brew. It tastes super watered down to me because now what I’m used to has changed. That’s something that I've carried with me out of the pandemic. It was just like this little ritual I have with myself that's something that I truly have kept and have continued to do to this day.”
It’s hard not to draw parallels between Alysh’s coffee consumption and her relationship with herself during this time. During the pandemic, she “luckily” had access to therapy, and used a lot of her time on furlough for self-reflection. She says that the “cold brew lifestyle” is something she tends to throw herself into. “I've always just had a hard time with myself where I can't plan things and get them done in a reasonable amount of time. I always procrastinate, then drink a bunch of coffee and power through. It's worked out pretty well for me with jobs and stuff. My relationship to work specifically has been kind of rush and rest, rush and rest. I think this year, not working out of a corporate office has kind of amplified that I often fall into that pattern. And so that's been kind of a big breakthrough for me. I’ve been renegotiating my relationship with myself.”
In the midst of our current social media age, there is an interesting and often calculated dynamic between ideas of lifestyle and routine within our own lives and the lives of others. So much so that people have built entire brands and jobs based on how they supposedly conduct their daily lives. Alysh points out, many of these accounts and influencers provide unattainable standards for the general public and leave a fragmented rift between inspiration and real human experience. “Upon reflection, I do think it's like funny, or interesting, that this very visible Tiktok trend had such an impact on my routine, even though I think a big part of my journey with myself over the past few years has been letting go of that idealized Instagram ‘get up at seven and don't look at your phone and stretch and practice gratitude’ thing. I think for so long, I was like ‘if I work hard enough that could be me.’ I just simply need to accept that my brain is a little bit chaotic, and I need to use that to my advantage.”
When it came time to go back to work, the shift made Alysh realise that her pre-pandemic lifestyle was no longer viable for her. “My boss called me on May 10. I saw her name come up on my phone, and I was like, I don't want to go back to work.’ I only lasted three months. I went back on May 14 or 15th, basically almost a full two months since lockdown had started. My last day was August 18 or 19th.” Alysh said most mornings in those three months she would be “crying from stress.” “I was like, ‘I should not be this upset over this job. They're asking so much of me and giving me no support, and the work environment itself was just toxic. So yeah, I gave them about a three-week notice, which I think was generous. I had to leave.”
Alysh is now doing freelance social media managing and has been accepting and reflecting on how she views herself and her habits, instead of trying to force her to be productive in a way that does not serve her best interests. “It's been an oddly rewarding time to realize these habits and things about myself are not character flaws. It might just simply be how my brain is hardwired or what works for me. And yeah, I have a really hard time with routine.” Alysh finds that the routines she finds so difficult stem from her trying to live in the way she thought she should be, not in the way she can in order to be successful. Her fluffy coffee routine in those pandemic mornings was one example of this. “It's just interesting to realize kind of in real-time, ‘Oh, that was a routine I absolutely did not intend to make but have kept.”
Alysh thinks that there’s a grey area, in which idealizing a certain lifestyle will often get you nowhere, but trying new things and giving yourself room to find what works for you is better than staying stuck. Now months later, she finds that her daily coffee(s) is one way in which she is making her habits work better for her. “It's transitioned, I think, from something that was me trying to hold on to routine, to me now being like, alright, we can tap back into that crazy chaotic feeling, but it doesn't have to be so dreadful.”
Her fluffy coffee is a testament to this acceptance. She can be productive, get things done, harness her brain's “chaotic” energy. Yet can still derive enjoyment from that process. Rather than drinking a cold brew as fuel for a nonstop lifestyle, she strives for more intention, more routine, more sweetness with herself and her life. “Cold brew was delicious and it really did the job for me and it was low calorie. Now I'm like, life is short. We're in a pandemic. Give me some sugar.”